Love. As told by a hopeless romantic.

I have always had a very idealistic view of love. I look at my parents, who are married 24 years since last week and see how happy they are and see what I want. They met when they were 18 and were married at 23. I am almost 21 and nowhere close to being married.

I had my first official boyfriend when I was 15, he was in my year in school and made me laugh. I remember being too scared to tell my friends that I liked him because one of my friends absolutely hated his guts, they had been in primary school together and did not get on. The relationship was short-lived. We were kids and the intensity of the relationship freaked me out. Fast forward two years and the same guy sits next to me in biology. I was furious but gradually, he broke down my walls and we fell in love. The relationship ‘ended’ for the summer as I was going to Belgium for the summer and he had family stuff to deal with. Although the relationship had technically ended, I was still in love with him. It didn’t take very long for us to get back together when school started back. We broke up a coupe of months later due to final year exam stress and some other BS excuses he gave me at the time. Fast forward another 2 years and he is someone I would consider one of my best friends. He was my rock for a long time and although we have had our ups and (pretty spectacular) downs, it is still possible to be friends.

Ian

Moving on to the second guy I loved. I have written about him a few times over the last year. We met the old-fashioned way, on Tinder. He lived in Kilkenny and me in Cork. I fell in love with him fairly quickly, which should have been a warning sign. My life became all about him, He was the first person who I thought of in the morning and the last person who I thought of at night. Yeah in some circumstances that might be considered cute. In my case it became unhealthy. He suffered from various mental health problems, which I thought I was going to be able to deal with. It turned out I wasn’t. I didn’t know which boyfriend would show up on a particular day. It made life difficult.  The relationship started to deteriorate when I was in Spain as an Au-Pair last summer. There was an incident when I cam home where I should have walked away from the relationship then and there. Instead I cried and put up with it. He didn’t realize he had done anything wrong.  Around this time, things were not good with my family and my own mental health started to deteriorate.  He also then began to pressure me into things that I could not do. We only ever had one fight but it was the same fight on repeat. When we broke up, I was heartbroken but I was also relieved.

I was a mess following the breakup but a friend of mine who has a boyfriend wanted to find someone on Tinder so she downloaded it on my phone about 2 weeks after we broke up. I ignored it for another few weeks and then got back into it. At the end of November I started seeing this guy. He is absolutely gorgeous and neither of us were really looking for a relationship at the time. We proceeded to see each-other on at least a weekly basis up until recently. The thing about me is I either fall hard and quickly or I don’t fall at all. I think I half fell for this guy but it wasn’t enough. I like being in contact with people and I am an absolute demon for snapchat (especially when its exam time…) My major problem with this guy was the non contact. There was a stage where I didn’t hear from him for a week and I decided enough was enough.

This brings me to my current romantic predicament. I have fallen for a guy I shouldn’t have, not because he’s a bad guy, just shitty timing. This particular guy drove to a house party at 4 am to make sure I was ok after getting snapchats from me suggesting I wasn’t ok. He came to cuddle me to warm me up and to scare off the 17 year olds who had been hitting on me all evening and wouldn’t take no for an answer. He also kissed me and that kiss changed everything. I had always though he was a great guy and his girlfriend (at the time) was lucky to have him. Now, he is moving to Dublin for work and me to Kerry for the summer. When I come back from Kerry, I will be moving to Spain. What I feel for him now, could turn into something big and I could fall really hard for him. Really really hard. The romantic in me says go for it, the practical side of me says you  are going to get your heart-broken again.

I have always recovered from heartbreak with some more walls. I find it difficult to let people in. I was asked at one stage ‘What kind of guys do you usually go for?’ and my response was ‘Usually ones who break my heart’. I don’t love easily but when I do, I love deeply. Tomorrow night I’m going to the going away party for the guy who is moving to Dublin. Last time I saw him he kissed me goodbye and I am freaking out about how it will go.

I was told recently by a guy that he didn’t see me as the marriage and kids type. I want to get married. Kids on the other hand, I’m allergic to 😛 For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to get married. I think this is due to my parents. I’m sure their relationship isn’t perfect and it’s had its ups and downs throughout the years. Despite that, they never let us see that, maybe we were to young to notice (we being me and my 3 younger siblings) and have now gotten to the stage where they joke about sex (That will never be ok..) They are each-others best friend and partner in all aspects. I want that. When I daydream about my relationships (you know when you think of all those possibilities) I see lazy weekends curled up together, I see walks on the beach, I see long car journeys where we talk for hours, I see hand holding and I see us being best friends and true partners.

I made a vow to myself that there were to be no life changing decisions to be made until I at least finished college. Who knows when that will be. For now I am going to see what happens tomorrow night with the guy who means a lot to me and maybe take a break from boys.. Probably a good idea.

Thanks for reading,

Love Kathy ❤

A letter to my future self

Hey guys,

So this morning as a form of procrastination, I re-read all of my posts to see if there were spelling mistakes etc as I was probably too lazy to do it when I first published them (I am going to work on this). I came across my post, A Series of Unfortunate Events, where I wrote about a bucket list I wanted to achieve before I turned 20. I am going to be 21 in August and I just realized that I had done very few of the things I wanted to get done for last summer. So here is me ticking off another thing on my list.

Thanks for reading,

Kathy ❤

Dear future Kathy,

As you write this, you are sitting in the basement of the ORB in UCC. You are listening to Ed Sheeran’s Castle on the Hill and smiling at the lines, “But I was younger then, take me back to when We found weekend jobs, when we got paid We’d buy cheap spirits and drink them straight Me and my friends have not thrown up in so long, oh how we’ve grown But I can’t wait to go home”. I don’t know when you are going to re-read this. I hope you have achieved all that you want to. I hope you got that summer job in the bank that you wanted to. That you made it to Alicante.

I hope that you are no longer sick, that despite having a rough start to 2017 that now you are ok. I hope that you have stopped hurting yourself, remember that scratch you got off the briar in Gran’s house about 10 years ago? That scarred you. you scar too easily to add more to your collection yourself.

I hope that no matter where you end up after this hellish year of college, you are happy. I hope that the people you want to support you do, without questioning it. I hope that you do you, you can do this. Remember, you are who you choose to become. Don’t let anyone change your mind and tell you otherwise. As I sit here and write this, my minds is all over the place, I don’t know where I’m going to be in two weeks time. I don’t know if I’ll be living at home for the summer, if I’ll be in Tralee or if I’ll be in Cork. Wherever you end up, whatever you do, remember you got this girl.

No matter what you’re doing, go outside, take a walk. Ring Mum for a chat, then ring Anna. Tell them you love them. Live every day to the full. Don’t be afraid to fall in love. Don’ ever let someone hurting you change how you look at love and relationships keep wearing your heart on your sleeve and don’t let anyone change that. Oh, and finish that bucket list of yours. 😛

Ok I think this went in about 15 different directions, this is a prime example of what you were like at exam time.

Lots of love,

20-year-old Kathy.

 

 

Killing headphones, shopping and haircuts

Hey Guys,

So this could technically fit into My Alicante Diaries seeing as I did buy stuff for Alicante but there is other stuff in here too 🙂 So this morning, I accidentally met my friend John for breakfast. We both just happened to be in the same place on campus at the same time and I needed food.. 😛 When we were eating, I got a snapchat from a mutual friend of ours and took a picture of John but when I put my phone back down, I accidentally dropped one of my earphones into the bottom of the fruit cup I had just finished, thus drowning one of my earphones. This is the 4th pair this semester I’ve killed.. At least the 4th pair anyway. Because its exam season I can’t survive without earphones… So I may have gone and bought a new pair 😛

Buying a new pair of earphones now is just another thing to add to my list of things that I bought over the weekend. So on Friday, I spent €53 in Boots, a drugstore. I then spent €45 on a suitcase, because everyone needs a suitcase 😛 Whenever I traveled previously, I was never gone for more than a few months at a time so it was fine to take luggage from home but seeing as I’m moving to Alicante, I might need to leave some bags with my family.. The suitcase is pretty cool for a suitcase in fairness, I shall have many adventures with it 🙂

So today, I am getting my hair cut, I have just below shoulder length brown curly hair. It was really long the last time I cut it, but I cut it just after a breakup and decided to cut it all off. BIG MISTAKE. Today I’m not looking to make any major changes, a trim and some shape is how I described it to one of my friends, he is a guy and had absolutely no idea what I was talking about 😛 Another one of my friends tole me not to cut off too much of my hair because my hair defines me.. My hair most certainly does not define me but it is part of who I am. There may come a time when I grow it out to cut it off and donate it to charity,  that being said, I’d look slightly scary with my hair really short. But hey, all for a good cause.

So this post is kinda short and sweet, I wanted to write something because with it being exam season, I will do just about anything to avoid study, especially when that study is Accounting..

Anyway I should go do some work before my bank account takes another hit, write soon.

Thanks for reading,

Kathy ❤

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Dissertations and 13 Reasons Why

Hey guys,

How is everyone doing? I know I haven’t written in weeks, life has been kicking my ass. It turns out that for me to be a semi functional adult, I need to nap.. everyday. Do I enjoy napping? Yes. Is it inconvenient? Extremely.

Over the last few weeks I have had to write a dissertation for college. It would have made life a million times easier if I had just decided to do a bit every week but alas I am the queen of bad decisions. I wrote my dissertation on NAFTA and the economic relationship between the US and Mexico. It was actually a pretty interesting subject, even if I do say so myself.

While taking breaks from writing, I watched 13 Reasons Why. It was my sister who convinced me to watch it, I didn’t really want to commit to a new series with my dissertation to do and exams just around the corner. If you haven’t seen it, its brilliant. Very dark and twisty but well worth the watch. If you don’t know what it’s about, a bullied teen, Hannah Baker, leaves 13 suicide tapes (instead of a note) explaining the 13 reasons why she killed herself. Some of the reasons were genuine reasons but some of them were kinda bullshit to be perfectly honest.

While watching the series, I was reminded of a similar scenario that happened an Irish girl in the US. Phoebe Prince moved to the US with her family from Ireland and following bullying, she committed suicide in January of 2010. 9 people who were in school with her were charged with criminal harassment, civil rights violation, rape and a number of other offences. When I was in school, one of my teachers made us watch a documentary on Phoebe Prince and the consequences of bullying.

I was lucky in school, I had some great friends, some whom are still some of my best friends to this day. Sure we had our ups and downs, bitchy remarks were passed but I don’t know where I’d be without some of these people ❤ I think what I want to say is that actions have consequences. Bullying kills, rumors and sly remarks eat away at someone and there is no need for it.

Ok I think that’s my rant over for today, I now have a super romantic date with my economics notes 🙂

Write soon,

Thanks for reading,

Kathy ❤

Life gets in the way

Hey guys,

Its been a couple of weeks since I’ve uploaded. I came on today just to have a quick look at my stats and whatnot and it was only then I realized how longs its been! Life really has been busy the last few weeks. That being said I haven’t done anything except go to college, work and the doctor.. I don’t even know where time goes anymore.

So a quick life update, I have had about 15- 20 doctors appointments since I hurt my shoulder back in February. I have had two finger infections, a sinus infection and have had to have bloods taken. When I went to the doctor about having a finger infection (the first time) she told me that my body was basically falling apart because of stress. She also tole me I should get my bloods done once I was finished the course of antibiotics I was on that she prescribed me. A week later,  I was back in the health center  again to see the doctor to get my bloods done. When I was there I complained of a sore throat and she started tapping my face and came to the conclusion I had a sinus infection, resulting in more antibiotics (if you guessed it you get a virtual prize :P). When I was there she was asking about my general well-being/ my course (I go to the Student Health Clinic at my University). It came up in conversation that I had a massive panic attack the day before so she referred me to the counselling service in the same clinic.

A few days later, I was in the library studying for a Spanish test (I know, student of the year award goes to me) when I got a phone call from my doctor saying that some of my bloods had come back funny and that I needed to come into them first thing the following morning. When I arrived the following morning I was a bit concerned because I didn’t know what was going on. I went into the doctor anyway and she explained that my vitamin b12 levels were half of what they should be which explained why I had been sick so much recently and why I have absolutely no energy. To fix this, I get to get a series of b12 injections. There are 5 of them :O I have had 2 already so only another 3 to go!

The following day saw my trip to the counselor. I literally went in and started talking to him and just started bawling crying.. which I continued to do for the entire session. He told me things about myself and my course that I knew but didn’t want to admit to. He also helped me to come up for a backup plan if my exams don’t go to plan in a couple of weeks time. I’m not going to share that plan with anyone just yet as it is a secret and I don’t know if I’ll need to implement it just yet.. That being said, I’m kinda excited about it 🙂

Other than doctors appointments I have been really pissed off at the whole Bus Eireann strike thing. Yeah most people won’t know what that is so its all g 😛

I would also like to thank people who read this blog. When I logged on today I have people reading from Vietnam, Malta, Russia, Portugal, Spain, USA, Canada.. I’m Irish so it’s amazing to see my ramblings and rants being read by people from so far away (and from closer to home too)

Anyway I’m off to get an award so I shall talk to ye soon,

As always, Thanks for reading,

Kathy ❤

Favorite March Music

Hey guys,

So I decided that I was ready for some commitment in my life and took the grown up plunge to invest in Spotify Premium.. Yay meeee! 😛 Since I took the plunge, I have gone through 3 pairs of earphones (anyone have any recommendations for good ones that don’t break?). In fairness none of the earphones were all that expensive and I could probably do with buying a proper pair but ain’t nobody got time for that.

So in addition to me suddenly having endless music at my fingertips and having an immense amount of college work to do I have spent A LOT of the last month plugged in. Here are some of my favorites from the month of March 🙂

1. ÷ (Divide), Ed Sheeran

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t completely obsessed with this album. I fell in love with ‘Castle on the Hill’ when it first came out and couldn’t wait for the rest of the album. He has such a variety of types of songs and music on the album that you never get bored listening to it. I also love Galway Girl (it night be the Irish girl in me) and Nancy Mulligan (this definitely appeals to the romantic in me). Way to go Ed, this album is fantastic 😀

2. Water Under the Bridge, Adele. 

I think all of Adele’s stuff is great but I love this song!! It’s a song about fighting for what you want and who you love. Plus its really catchy..

3. El Mismo Sol, Alvaro Soler.

I came across this Spanish gents music while in Madrid last summer due to his single Sofia being played EVERY.SINGLE.TIME the radio was turned on. That said I love Sofia too but some things can be slightly overplayed (I think my family will agree with me on this one seeing as they all know the words to it and they don’t speak Spanish…). My 5-year-old in Spain taught me the words and I have video footage of her doing it 😛 She never failed to entertain. Anyway I went slightly off topic.. but yeah.. El Mismo Sol is great. The title  translates as ‘The Same  my interpretation of the song is that it’s about unity and how we are all under the same sun.. there are bits about love in there too but I like the last line, ‘Aquí todos estamos bajo el mismo sol’ meaning “Here we all are, under the same sun.”

4. Phil Collins.. In general

So I’m a big Phil Collins fan. My music taste is quite varied and probably slightly weird but as my good friend one told me, when it comes to music, everyone has different tastes 🙂 I love the music from Tarzan and that is how I fell in love with more of his music 🙂

5. Take A Bow, Rihanna/ Love Song, Sara Bareilles

Some serious throwback songs that ended up on my discover playlist 😀

 

So this was a bit of an unusual post for me but I have been writing an essay for college all day and this is what I was listening to.. 😛

Hope you enjoyed,

Thanks for reading,

Kathy ❤

(P.S. here is the link to my March playlist on Spotify… https://open.spotify.com/user/11141787897/playlist/56tSudORfEJYMmldcrZihY)

 

My top 5 things to do in Belgium

Hey guys,

So my last few posts have been more about the disaster that is my life and not about the traveling adventures that I originally started this blog to post about. There will probably be more personal posts but this one is all about Belgium 🙂

When I was in school, I studied French and I wanted to improve it so I thought about going to France for a summer to work when I was 16. I did some research and discovered that I wouldn’t be paid for working in France due to employment laws so a friend of my mums, a French teacher, suggested that I go to Belgium. As it happens, the place where I worked for the summer when I was 14 had a sister place in the French-speaking region of Belgium so off I went. I spent 3 and a half weeks working in the kitchen of a hospitality/ residential conference center about 45 mins outside Brussels. I  worked hard and I was working 5-5.5 days a week so I didn’t get to travel enough as I would have liked.. So I went back for longer the following year 😛

I will always have fond memories of Belgium. I made some amazing friends there, some Mexican, Guatemalan, Spanish and even a really good Irish friend. I also had my fair share of accidents there 😛 I had one really accident prone day when,in the morning, while cutting an onion, I nearly took the top off my finger.. That afternoon I then had an argument with a gate and the gate won, thus resulting in me getting a spike of it through my foot.. Fun times 😛 There was no major damage, just crutches for a few weeks, serious antibiotics and painkillers.. Twas grand 🙂 It happened on a Sunday and I was planning on flying home the Tuesday so I was grand.

Despite my spending so much time working, I got to do a significant amount of traveling. Here are mt top 5 places to go in Belgium.

  1. Grand Place, Brussels.

Both times I was in Belgium it was in June/July, Grand Place was one of the first places I visited and I was blown away by how beautiful it is. It is surrounded by Gothic buildings, including the town hall. Every two years in August, an enormous “flower carpet” is set up in the Grand Place for a few days. A million colorful  flowers are set up in patterns, covering the entire square.

Grand Place

2. Manneken Pis

My friend Ruth really didn’t like this guy but I’d recommend checking him out, especially if there is something going on in Belgium at the time. When I was there the second time, it was during the last soccer world cup so he was dressed up as a soccer player. In reality, he is a tiny bronze statue who pees into the fountains basin.

3. Bruges and Gent

These two towns are absolutely spectacular! I only managed to get to them both once but they are stunning. Both are on built on canals and they, much like Venice are used to get around on.The streets are narrow and cobbled and old. They are both just so beautiful.

4. Leuven/ Louvain

The thing about places in Belgium is that they have names in both French and Dutch. Louvain is a university city much like the one where I live in Ireland. It is quite easy ti tell when the hour is up as the streets get busier with students moving from class to class. Myself and Ruth spent about 3 hours sitting in McDonald’s in Louvain next to the window on the first floor just watching people move through the streets. It is another lovely city, possibly my second favorite, my all time favorite is still to come. 😛 It was Louvain where I finally found my Yves Rocher shop that I had spent weeks looking for. Yves Rocher is a French cosmetics company that I came across in France. I love their stuff but you can’t get it in Ireland so I always make sure to stock up when I’m abroad.

Leuven city hallLeuven

5. Antwerp

Antwerp is where I want to be proposed to. It is my favorite place in Belgium. The first time I was there, I was walking down the boardwalk with my Mexican friends Isabel and Nancy and I saw a couple in front of us with their kids and it was at that moment when I decided that I wanted that to be me. Me and my over active imagination saw that man proposing to his girlfriend on that same boardwalk, them going there to have their wedding photos taken and then going there with their kids. As their two little girls ran ahead of them, with us still walking behind then, the couple wrapped their arms around each other and kept walking. Yes, I am a completely hopeless romantic but I wanted that. My friend Blaithin has been told to inform any future men in my life of this wish of mine 😛 Antwerp is also famous for its diamonds. When you come out of the train station (which is spectacular as well) there is an entire street of diamond shops. The best place to window shop 😀 In my opinion, it is a must visit for anyone going to Belgium.Oh and they have a chocolate shop that sells ‘Chocolate Pills’ because.. Duhh chocolate fixes everything.. 😛

antewrp docAntwerp Choc pills

So I think I turned my top 5 places to go in Belgium into a ‘why I love these places’ but i hope you enjoyed reading it. I had so much fin looking through all my old photos and re-reading my travel diary to remind me of all my adventures. The most important thing I took away from my trips in  Belgium are my friendships. I was working with Isabel and Nancy. They are both from Monterrey, Mexico and I am still in frequent communication with Isa who is currently studying a semester abroad in Santiago, Chile. I knew Ruth before we went away together, we had met a few times but we wouldn’t have been friends. Her french teacher (the friend of my mums) encouraged her to come with me and now I know, no matter what, Ruth is there for me. She will be at my wedding.

Ok I might have gotten too deep, but hey, I’m an honest person,

Thanks for reading,

All my love,

Kathy ❤