Hi Guys, Happy Black Friday, we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in Ireland so black Friday it is.. This post is a more serious one for me, I have always been honest when writing here but this… More
OK, so apparently I’m really good at writing posts a month apart. I haven’t written sooner because there has been nothing exciting happening in my life for the last month. Brief update, I finished my contract for the summer on the 18th of August and have been looking for jobs since. People keep asking me hoe the job hunt is going, my answer, it’s killing me slowly.. I have never been the most patient of people and I like to be doing something, otherwise I get cabin fever.. So in my attempt to combat this, I have started to be active.
So I don’t want to mislead you with the title of this post, I am absolutely no expert when it comes to exercise.. But I’m gonna pretend I know what I’m talking about.. OK?!? 😛 So since moving back home, I don’t leave the house all too much because there is actually very little to do around here. One thing I have starter though, is rowing. I don’t know if I mentioned this in my last post, probably not but I’m not gonna check till after I’m done writing 🙂 I started rowing when I was 16 and not to sound up my own ass, I was good at it. I ended up stopping because life did what it does and got in the way. I am far from a jock and tend to be really bad at team sports, especially ones that involve balls.. I even managed to give myself a black-eye playing badminton. For a few years I went through phases of going to the gym and running but to be 100% honest (because that is exactly what this blog is about) I haven’t been in as good shape since I was 16 and this girl wants that figure back!
When I moved home after my summer of adventures, my sister decided that she wanted to start rowing so I said I’d go too for emotional support. There are times when I’m dragged kicking and screaming (not literally, I’m not 5) out of the house and there are times when I am the only one out of the three of us (We also have a Spanish student living with us who has started rowing too) who get their ass out of bed and put myself through two hours of pure torture.. I have found that the exercise has helped me. I might not be showing any signs of toning up and what-not but I know I will. I enjoy going to the gym and pushing myself and my sister. (she loves it…) On the days when I’m not rowing, there is a walk along the lake where I row that is almost 6 km long that I like to do with my mum. I have always been close to her but I think the walk gives us something to do together which is nice. Last weekend I did the walk along with my mum and best friend and my mum told us the story of her and my dads relationship, from the very start. Yeah I’d heard it before but in bits, it was really special to hear it from start to finish.
Ok, I think I have babbled on for long enough.
Will write again soon (with actual interesting content…)
Thanks for reading,
Love always, Kathy ❤
I was so much better at updating before I moved to Kerry… But I’m back home now for the time being so here’s to more posts, with more interesting content than what has been happening in my life…
So, I am home. Back with my family after spending the most amazing summer working with the most INCREDIBLE group of people. I turned 21 a week before I finished there, turning 21 is a big thing in Ireland, I’m not so sure about the rest of the world though.. On the morning of my birthday, we had a staff meeting, the usual stuff, I hadn’t had enough coffee yet so I was all picture no sound, when out of one of the offices came one of my managers, with a cake and 21 birthday candles. The entire place started singing me happy birthday. I genuinely nearly died of embarrassment!! It was one of the nicest things that could have happened me that day, I was away from my family and feeling a little bit lonely and that made my day. In addition to getting me a cake (with my name on it for the first time EVER), they all chipped in and bought me two beautiful Pandora charms for my bracelet that my parents bought me for my 18th. I still don’t have the words to describe how much it meant.
Since I have decided not to go back to college in September to finish my degree, once I finished my contract, I am looking for a job. People keep telling me that the world is my oyster, I know it is but it can be hard to believe it sometimes. If you have followed my blog for a while, you will have gathered that my mental health can be questionable at times and waking up on Monday morning knowing I didn’t have a job to go to was incredibly tough. I am the type of person who loves to be working, I am well able to relax when I have my time off and I really do enjoy my nights out but I like work. I think it is the routine that suits me. While in Kerry, my Grandad would wake me up at 7.15 every morning, telling me it was 7.30.. I’d then get up around 7.45, get myself ready and go to work for the day. My evenings could be spent on the beach, hanging out with my grandparents, hanging out with my aunt and cousins or cuddling the dogs on the couch.. It depended on the evening. My existence for the last 3 months may seem like a quiet one but it has suited me down to the ground.
I have applied for a number of jobs over the last few weeks and there is one in particular I really want, based in Belfast and doing something I think I’d excel at. If you believe in God, send me your prayers, if not, any good luck wishes would be much appreciated as I try to figure out where I go next.
I promise my next post will be more exciting!
Thanks for reading,
By my clock, its been exactly 30 days since I wrote. I have meant to sit down and write so many times and have realized for once, I don’t have some drama or struggle to document. I am having the best summer I have had in years, completely different to previous years and yet the most liberating. I haven’t felt so much myself in a very long time.
This time last year, I was suffering big time with my mental health, I was in a bad relationship, was going through some family stuff and was attempting to study for my repeats, all while on a family holiday in West Cork. This year, I am writing this from my bed, snapchatting videos of myself singing and dancing to one of my best friends (Yes, I’m talking about you Mairtin), despite the fact I need to get up in 7 and a half hours for work..
Getting away from my life is exactly what I needed to do to see what I want to do with it.. I still have absolutely no idea what I want to be when I grow up, or where I’ll be living in a months time, but this time, it doesn’t scare the beejsus out of me, I am terrified, but its an excited terrified.
This evening I came in from work and sat down on the couch with the dog curled up on top of me, when my Gran suggested we went out to the beach with the dogs. As soon as we got there, it started to rain. She went for a paddle in the sea while I took the two dogs up the beach. When I was walking, I realized I was walking away from the rain and towards the sun on the beach. It reminded me of the song Chasing the Sun by The Wanted. It was myself and my friend Ciara’s anthem of the summer yearsss ago and I threw it on on Spotify. This resulted in my singing and dancing my way back down the beach, looking like a crazy person and being totally in my element!!
This lighthearted person who isn’t afraid to look like an eejit is who I am and due various reasons, I lost sight of that… But I’M BACK BABYYYY.
Thanks for reading,
Ok… So my life may or may not have done a total 180 since my last post. I have been meaning to write for weeks and before this weekend, this post would have gone an entirely different direction.
So I started a new job in Tralee, Co. Kerry, about an hour and a half away from where I live with my family. Due to the new job I moved in with my Grandparents who live in Tralee. It has been so much fun living here. As some of you may know from my previous posts, my mental health can fluctuate.. A lot. Recently it hadn’t been good. I had a lot going on between finishing exams, work, changing job and moving out. I was very stressed out and had one MAJOR meltdown.. My eyes were swollen going to work the following day (classy right?).
Since moving to Kerry, I have stared to come back to being myself. I am relaxed. I am in good form. I am sleeping (when not writing blog posts at 11 pm). I am eating healthy and loosing weight (that said I just finished a bag of mini chocolate eggs… :P). I feel more myself now than I have in a long time.
My grandparents are great! They are actually the most adorable couple in the strangest of ways. My Grandad is 86 and my Granny is 76. There is 10 years and 4 months between them. Age really is just a number 🙂 My Grandad is very deaf, which is a shame because he really likes to be in the middle of things. He uses a hearing aid so he is still able to have the craic and is great at telling me to pace myself when it comes to work 🙂
The other evening when I got home from work, my Granny suggested we go for a walk out on one of the beaches near us, I was all for it seeing as I had been wanting to go to the beach all day. I went for a walk with the 2 dogs and my Granny stayed sitting by the car. I walked in the water and took photos and I was completely in my element.
When I was younger, I used to spend my summer holidays in Kerry with my Grandparents, and then in a house with my family. Since I moved to Cork 8 years ago, I probably see my Grandparents more often but I didn’t get to spend the same amount of time with them. When I was younger, I always loved being down here and that really hasn’t changed.
I was so stressed out about the move down, my head was all over the place (whats new?), I had boy problems, I was stressing about starting the new job and I was stressing about college. Now I have no boy problems (well there are still some but I have chosen to ignore them until they can be fixed but who knows when that will be), I have started my new job and couldn’t ask for better people to work with. I have also decided that I am not going back to college in September and have just applied for a job in Sydney, Australia…
Knowing me, all these thing shoulf be making me freak out and stress out but no. I think being away from home for the summer is the best thing I could have done for myself. I am so happy I did it and excited to see what happens next. 😀
Ok write soon,
Thanks for reading,
So I had been on a good track of writing once a week but alas due to on thing and another I haven’t written in a few weeks. Today marks my 1 year anniversary of starting this blog. Where has all that time gone?
So, over the last few days there have been some pretty drastic changes to my life. I quit my job in the hotel where I worked. At long last. I loves the job I had but I began to despise the place where I had it. During my first week there, two chefs left along with two managers. This immediately had alarm bells going off in my head and I remember saying it to my mum who encouraged me to stick it out until I found something better. And I really did. On Monday, I start working in one of the biggest banks in Ireland for 10 weeks as a summer student. This is an amazing opportunity for me as I am studying Commerce so it is practical work experience in an industry that I might end up going into one day.
So due to getting this new job, I am also moving. I’m moving in with my Grandparents as they live near to where I will be working and I will be able to walk to and from work everyday. I haven’t spent a summer at home since I was 13 so the thought of the possibility of doing it this summer didn’t sit well with me.. at all.. especially with my Instagram feed being full of pictures of people on J1’s (In the USA on a student summer working visa) or on amazing trips to places like Thailand or Malaysia. As it is it’s still kinda depressing to be working for the summer but I will be surrounded by family who I am really looking forward to spending some quality time with.
Another big thing for my was passing my theory test so I can FINALLY start learning how to drive 😀 In Ireland, you first need to do a test detailing the rules of the road and that kind of thing. You are given 40 questions out of a possible 900 (I think) and you need to get at least 35 right. You then need to do 12 driving lessons before you can attempt to do your driving test and be allowed drive by yourself. Basically its a money racket but alas I can’t do anything about it…
Some people may be wondering about the state of my love life after my last post. My answer is I don’t know what is happening. I went of to that going away party and I realized how much I was going to miss the guy who is moving to Dublin. I wanted to have a proper conversation with him but it wasn’t the time or the place to pour my heart out.. Add vodka to the mix and I would have ended up in floods of tears. What we did manage to talk about was him having a lot on his mind, me being one of those things. When I was going home, he kissed me and that was the last contact I’ve had with him. And I miss him.. A lot. Before I developed feelings for him, we were friends who spoke all day every day. There is a big difference between speaking all day everyday to having no contact at all and I miss my friend.
That being said, I had a lot on my mind so I took off for a few days. More like a week, When I quit my job in the hotel, I told myself that I would give myself 2 weeks off to just be able to catch up on missed sleep and have some time to myself before starting the new job. So last week, I went on an adventure 🙂 I went to visit two of my best friends who live in different parts of the country. I went to Monaghan first where I visited my friend Grace. Myself and Grace have been on many adventures together and I miss her when I don’t get to see her. When I went up, we took it easy and drank A LOT of wine… But sure when on holidays I might as well 😛
A few days later, I traveled back to Meath, back to my home town where I lived until I was 13. I stayed with another really good friend of mine there, Ciara. We have been friends since we began primary school. That was 16 years ago. It had been a long time since I had gotten the chance to spend proper time with her so we really enjoyed our few days. We went on an adventure into Dublin where Ciara introduced me to scrumdiddlys ice cream and an amazing cocktail bar in Rathmines called Copan, where all the cocktails are €5. It.was.awseome.
So I hoped you enjoyed this post, I felt guilty for not writing but I had no laptop with me on my travels and it was nice to disconnect for a while. 🙂
Thanks for reading,
Love, Kathy ❤
I have always had a very idealistic view of love. I look at my parents, who are married 24 years since last week and see how happy they are and see what I want. They met when they were 18 and were married at 23. I am almost 21 and nowhere close to being married.
I had my first official boyfriend when I was 15, he was in my year in school and made me laugh. I remember being too scared to tell my friends that I liked him because one of my friends absolutely hated his guts, they had been in primary school together and did not get on. The relationship was short-lived. We were kids and the intensity of the relationship freaked me out. Fast forward two years and the same guy sits next to me in biology. I was furious but gradually, he broke down my walls and we fell in love. The relationship ‘ended’ for the summer as I was going to Belgium for the summer and he had family stuff to deal with. Although the relationship had technically ended, I was still in love with him. It didn’t take very long for us to get back together when school started back. We broke up a coupe of months later due to final year exam stress and some other BS excuses he gave me at the time. Fast forward another 2 years and he is someone I would consider one of my best friends. He was my rock for a long time and although we have had our ups and (pretty spectacular) downs, it is still possible to be friends.
Moving on to the second guy I loved. I have written about him a few times over the last year. We met the old-fashioned way, on Tinder. He lived in Kilkenny and me in Cork. I fell in love with him fairly quickly, which should have been a warning sign. My life became all about him, He was the first person who I thought of in the morning and the last person who I thought of at night. Yeah in some circumstances that might be considered cute. In my case it became unhealthy. He suffered from various mental health problems, which I thought I was going to be able to deal with. It turned out I wasn’t. I didn’t know which boyfriend would show up on a particular day. It made life difficult. The relationship started to deteriorate when I was in Spain as an Au-Pair last summer. There was an incident when I cam home where I should have walked away from the relationship then and there. Instead I cried and put up with it. He didn’t realize he had done anything wrong. Around this time, things were not good with my family and my own mental health started to deteriorate. He also then began to pressure me into things that I could not do. We only ever had one fight but it was the same fight on repeat. When we broke up, I was heartbroken but I was also relieved.
I was a mess following the breakup but a friend of mine who has a boyfriend wanted to find someone on Tinder so she downloaded it on my phone about 2 weeks after we broke up. I ignored it for another few weeks and then got back into it. At the end of November I started seeing this guy. He is absolutely gorgeous and neither of us were really looking for a relationship at the time. We proceeded to see each-other on at least a weekly basis up until recently. The thing about me is I either fall hard and quickly or I don’t fall at all. I think I half fell for this guy but it wasn’t enough. I like being in contact with people and I am an absolute demon for snapchat (especially when its exam time…) My major problem with this guy was the non contact. There was a stage where I didn’t hear from him for a week and I decided enough was enough.
This brings me to my current romantic predicament. I have fallen for a guy I shouldn’t have, not because he’s a bad guy, just shitty timing. This particular guy drove to a house party at 4 am to make sure I was ok after getting snapchats from me suggesting I wasn’t ok. He came to cuddle me to warm me up and to scare off the 17 year olds who had been hitting on me all evening and wouldn’t take no for an answer. He also kissed me and that kiss changed everything. I had always though he was a great guy and his girlfriend (at the time) was lucky to have him. Now, he is moving to Dublin for work and me to Kerry for the summer. When I come back from Kerry, I will be moving to Spain. What I feel for him now, could turn into something big and I could fall really hard for him. Really really hard. The romantic in me says go for it, the practical side of me says you are going to get your heart-broken again.
I have always recovered from heartbreak with some more walls. I find it difficult to let people in. I was asked at one stage ‘What kind of guys do you usually go for?’ and my response was ‘Usually ones who break my heart’. I don’t love easily but when I do, I love deeply. Tomorrow night I’m going to the going away party for the guy who is moving to Dublin. Last time I saw him he kissed me goodbye and I am freaking out about how it will go.
I was told recently by a guy that he didn’t see me as the marriage and kids type. I want to get married. Kids on the other hand, I’m allergic to 😛 For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to get married. I think this is due to my parents. I’m sure their relationship isn’t perfect and it’s had its ups and downs throughout the years. Despite that, they never let us see that, maybe we were to young to notice (we being me and my 3 younger siblings) and have now gotten to the stage where they joke about sex (That will never be ok..) They are each-others best friend and partner in all aspects. I want that. When I daydream about my relationships (you know when you think of all those possibilities) I see lazy weekends curled up together, I see walks on the beach, I see long car journeys where we talk for hours, I see hand holding and I see us being best friends and true partners.
I made a vow to myself that there were to be no life changing decisions to be made until I at least finished college. Who knows when that will be. For now I am going to see what happens tomorrow night with the guy who means a lot to me and maybe take a break from boys.. Probably a good idea.
Thanks for reading,
Love Kathy ❤
So this morning as a form of procrastination, I re-read all of my posts to see if there were spelling mistakes etc as I was probably too lazy to do it when I first published them (I am going to work on this). I came across my post, A Series of Unfortunate Events, where I wrote about a bucket list I wanted to achieve before I turned 20. I am going to be 21 in August and I just realized that I had done very few of the things I wanted to get done for last summer. So here is me ticking off another thing on my list.
Thanks for reading,
Dear future Kathy,
As you write this, you are sitting in the basement of the ORB in UCC. You are listening to Ed Sheeran’s Castle on the Hill and smiling at the lines, “But I was younger then, take me back to when We found weekend jobs, when we got paid We’d buy cheap spirits and drink them straight Me and my friends have not thrown up in so long, oh how we’ve grown But I can’t wait to go home”. I don’t know when you are going to re-read this. I hope you have achieved all that you want to. I hope you got that summer job in the bank that you wanted to. That you made it to Alicante.
I hope that you are no longer sick, that despite having a rough start to 2017 that now you are ok. I hope that you have stopped hurting yourself, remember that scratch you got off the briar in Gran’s house about 10 years ago? That scarred you. you scar too easily to add more to your collection yourself.
I hope that no matter where you end up after this hellish year of college, you are happy. I hope that the people you want to support you do, without questioning it. I hope that you do you, you can do this. Remember, you are who you choose to become. Don’t let anyone change your mind and tell you otherwise. As I sit here and write this, my minds is all over the place, I don’t know where I’m going to be in two weeks time. I don’t know if I’ll be living at home for the summer, if I’ll be in Tralee or if I’ll be in Cork. Wherever you end up, whatever you do, remember you got this girl.
No matter what you’re doing, go outside, take a walk. Ring Mum for a chat, then ring Anna. Tell them you love them. Live every day to the full. Don’t be afraid to fall in love. Don’ ever let someone hurting you change how you look at love and relationships keep wearing your heart on your sleeve and don’t let anyone change that. Oh, and finish that bucket list of yours. 😛
Ok I think this went in about 15 different directions, this is a prime example of what you were like at exam time.
Lots of love,