Love. As told by a hopeless romantic.

I have always had a very idealistic view of love. I look at my parents, who are married 24 years since last week and see how happy they are and see what I want. They met when they were 18 and were married at 23. I am almost 21 and nowhere close to being married.

I had my first official boyfriend when I was 15, he was in my year in school and made me laugh. I remember being too scared to tell my friends that I liked him because one of my friends absolutely hated his guts, they had been in primary school together and did not get on. The relationship was short-lived. We were kids and the intensity of the relationship freaked me out. Fast forward two years and the same guy sits next to me in biology. I was furious but gradually, he broke down my walls and we fell in love. The relationship ‘ended’ for the summer as I was going to Belgium for the summer and he had family stuff to deal with. Although the relationship had technically ended, I was still in love with him. It didn’t take very long for us to get back together when school started back. We broke up a coupe of months later due to final year exam stress and some other BS excuses he gave me at the time. Fast forward another 2 years and he is someone I would consider one of my best friends. He was my rock for a long time and although we have had our ups and (pretty spectacular) downs, it is still possible to be friends.

Ian

Moving on to the second guy I loved. I have written about him a few times over the last year. We met the old-fashioned way, on Tinder. He lived in Kilkenny and me in Cork. I fell in love with him fairly quickly, which should have been a warning sign. My life became all about him, He was the first person who I thought of in the morning and the last person who I thought of at night. Yeah in some circumstances that might be considered cute. In my case it became unhealthy. He suffered from various mental health problems, which I thought I was going to be able to deal with. It turned out I wasn’t. I didn’t know which boyfriend would show up on a particular day. It made life difficult.  The relationship started to deteriorate when I was in Spain as an Au-Pair last summer. There was an incident when I cam home where I should have walked away from the relationship then and there. Instead I cried and put up with it. He didn’t realize he had done anything wrong.  Around this time, things were not good with my family and my own mental health started to deteriorate.  He also then began to pressure me into things that I could not do. We only ever had one fight but it was the same fight on repeat. When we broke up, I was heartbroken but I was also relieved.

I was a mess following the breakup but a friend of mine who has a boyfriend wanted to find someone on Tinder so she downloaded it on my phone about 2 weeks after we broke up. I ignored it for another few weeks and then got back into it. At the end of November I started seeing this guy. He is absolutely gorgeous and neither of us were really looking for a relationship at the time. We proceeded to see each-other on at least a weekly basis up until recently. The thing about me is I either fall hard and quickly or I don’t fall at all. I think I half fell for this guy but it wasn’t enough. I like being in contact with people and I am an absolute demon for snapchat (especially when its exam time…) My major problem with this guy was the non contact. There was a stage where I didn’t hear from him for a week and I decided enough was enough.

This brings me to my current romantic predicament. I have fallen for a guy I shouldn’t have, not because he’s a bad guy, just shitty timing. This particular guy drove to a house party at 4 am to make sure I was ok after getting snapchats from me suggesting I wasn’t ok. He came to cuddle me to warm me up and to scare off the 17 year olds who had been hitting on me all evening and wouldn’t take no for an answer. He also kissed me and that kiss changed everything. I had always though he was a great guy and his girlfriend (at the time) was lucky to have him. Now, he is moving to Dublin for work and me to Kerry for the summer. When I come back from Kerry, I will be moving to Spain. What I feel for him now, could turn into something big and I could fall really hard for him. Really really hard. The romantic in me says go for it, the practical side of me says you  are going to get your heart-broken again.

I have always recovered from heartbreak with some more walls. I find it difficult to let people in. I was asked at one stage ‘What kind of guys do you usually go for?’ and my response was ‘Usually ones who break my heart’. I don’t love easily but when I do, I love deeply. Tomorrow night I’m going to the going away party for the guy who is moving to Dublin. Last time I saw him he kissed me goodbye and I am freaking out about how it will go.

I was told recently by a guy that he didn’t see me as the marriage and kids type. I want to get married. Kids on the other hand, I’m allergic to 😛 For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to get married. I think this is due to my parents. I’m sure their relationship isn’t perfect and it’s had its ups and downs throughout the years. Despite that, they never let us see that, maybe we were to young to notice (we being me and my 3 younger siblings) and have now gotten to the stage where they joke about sex (That will never be ok..) They are each-others best friend and partner in all aspects. I want that. When I daydream about my relationships (you know when you think of all those possibilities) I see lazy weekends curled up together, I see walks on the beach, I see long car journeys where we talk for hours, I see hand holding and I see us being best friends and true partners.

I made a vow to myself that there were to be no life changing decisions to be made until I at least finished college. Who knows when that will be. For now I am going to see what happens tomorrow night with the guy who means a lot to me and maybe take a break from boys.. Probably a good idea.

Thanks for reading,

Love Kathy ❤

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Coming Home

Hey guys,

I know its been a while since my last post, that’s what happens when you are an absolute genius and leave your laptop charger on the bus home from the airport (Yay me!). I’m writing this in the library of my university seeing as my laptop is still out of commission and I need to study.

I spent 4 days in Valencia with my friend and her family before coming home! After spending the few days there, my Spanish came on more than it did the entire month I was in Madrid. It was great! I spoke so much Spanish that since coming home and having a French student in the house, I’m speaking Spanish to her instead of French! My French is a million times better than my Spanish!

So I came home last week and a small part of me regrets it (it’s a lot colder in Ireland) but mostly I’m happy to be home! My flight home was, just my luck, delayed for 2 hours. I was not impressed, I know these things happen but it sucked! I was travelling for over 11 hours, including a half hour metro, a 3 hour flight and a three and a half hour bus home.. It was a long day. I did take some gorgeous pictures of sunsets on the way home though. I didn’t realize how much I missed sunsets in Spain until I was home! It’s hard to see them over the apartment building next to you…

Since coming home the best ting that has happened is seeing my boyfriend! 😀 It had been 6 and a half weeks since I’d seen him and I needed cuddles! 😛 We had a great few days together. I talk to him everyday for at least an hour but it is so different seeing him! 🙂 I even voluntarily got up before 7 am to be able to go see him! I really like my bed and am currently falling asleep as a result but sure.. All for the sake of love.

Next weekend I am going to West Cork with my family for a few weeks. It is where we usually go and I usually can’t wait to go! This year, I was planning on still being away for most of it and then not going down due to my exams but alas I am coming! 🙂 Its beautiful down there but again, I need to work.. Seriously guys, if I can give you one piece of advice, don’t fail your exams.. I have spent the summer being stressed out about mine ans studying for them! DAMN IT! I even have an exam while on holidays with my family and one the following week so I won’t be relaxing then either.

 

I have a feeling this is a slight rant more than anything,

My apologies,

See you soon (I’ll be nicer, I promise!)

Kathy 🙂

Goodbye is always the hardest part

Today I had to say goodbye to one of the hardest people before my trip, my boyfriend. My relationship with him is still fairly new (We’ve been together 4 months) and it is long distance. He lives 186km away and works full-time so I usually get to see him every 2/ 3 weeks. I spent time with him in his city last week and this week he came to stay with me and my family for 2 nights and it was incredible. 😀

I have previously had a complicated relationship but this one feels so right. He met my parents and siblings for the first time this week and it felt like such a surreal experience! He got on so well with everyone! I was, of course, over the moon with this. 🙂  Last week was the first time I got to meet his parents and sister! Once again.. Surreal! It was the first time I was introduced to a boyfriends family and it was the first time I really wanted to introduce him to mine!

Due to the long distance aspect of our relationship, when we see each other, it is incredible, we get on so well and for those hours we are together, everything feels right (Yes, I realise that sounds beyond cheesy!). The goodbyes are never easy though. I usually cry, maybe a small bit or maybe I bawl my eyes out.. it depends on the day! He finds it endearing and sweet that I cry, I hate crying.

Our goodbye today was no different. I am slightly overtired, which aids in me being over-emotional. I cried, actually, it was one big soppy cry fest.. I am pathetic at goodbyes, it’s just the way it is. This was the goodbye that I am going to find the hardest.. I have my friends to say goodbye to tomorrow and Saturday it is my family’s turn.. But as I said to mi amor this afternoon in an attempt to soothe us both, “These few months will fly”… Anddd he is planning to come visit me 😀

This is a slightly soppier post than I was planning, it just kinda wrote itself.. 😛

Talk to you soon,

Thanks for reading ❤

Kathy

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